Returning Home
by anagram29
Summary: The Mother-Daughter-Book-Club has scattered across the country for college. Jess, who is attending NYU, returns home for winter break and begins to find out that maybe everything isn't the same as she left it.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A cold gust of mid-winter wind propels me forward as I hurry down the street, ducking through the crowds of Christmas shoppers. I tuck my chin into the collar of my coat as I feel snowflakes land on my face and shoulder my backpack more securely. My phone buzzes insistently in my purse but I'm reluctant to take my hands out of my warm pockets to answer it. I turn down University Avenue and spy the purple NYU flag hanging off my dorm building. The prospect of changing into a pair of comfy sweats and getting a hot chocolate from the kitchen causes me to speed up. As I approach though, I spy a figure surrounded by whirling snowflakes outside the dorm door waving to me. Getting closer I see that it's Adele Bixby, her cheeks flushed and her brown hair dusted with snow.

"Jess!" she exclaims. "I've been calling you for ages! We made plans to hang out at your place. I show up and you're nowhere to be found."

"Sorry," I tell her apologetically, reaching into my purse for the keycard which opens the front door. "I went to Fourteenth Street to pick up some stuff for Christmas for people back in Concord."

"Didn't you have classes?" Adele asks.

"NYU canceled them because of the snow. We've already got like five inches," I say. "Didn't Julliard cancel classes too?" I swing open the door and usher Adele into the warm lobby.

Adele pushes the elevator button and nods, sending snowflakes flying out of her hair, "Yeah. Thank goodness. I was about to have a panic attack. The amount of work they're giving us is ridiculous. It's almost winter break; we should be getting _less_ work not more."

I laugh at her indignant expression, "Yeah, the exams I had last week nearly did me in."

"I bet you aced them," she tells me confidently. "And I'm pretty sure I failed mine."

The elevator doors slide open and the two of us move aside to let out the occupants and then step in. I press the button for the twelfth floor and there's a slight lurch as the elevator moves upward. Turning to Adele I say, "That's not true and you know it. You probably did amazing on them."

Adele makes a face but doesn't say anything. The elevator dings and the doors slide open, revealing the hallway of my floor. I head down the hall, Adele following me. I kick off my boots outside the door to my room and pad into my room. I drape my jacket over the back of my desk chair and flop down on my bed while Adele slips off her snowy boots and sits crossed legged on the floor. I roll over and grin at her; the gray afternoon light causes my small dorm room to look especially cozy with the large, fluffy snowflakes floating past the window.

"When are you going home?" she asks me.

"My whole family is driving up on Friday afternoon and we'll spend the night in a hotel. I guess it'll be pretty fun. I mean I don't think the twins have been since my mom's whole gig on Heartbeats."

"Oh right. Sometimes I forget that your mom was a star on television. It seems so weird to think one of my friends mother was a celebrity. How old were the twins when she worked in New York City?"

"About six I think. God, they were such pests. Actually, they still are even though they're thirteen," I say.

Adele laughs and I shake my head. "Do you want to go get some hot chocolate?" I ask her, rubbing my hands together.

"Sure," she replies and we slip out into the hall, trying hard not to make much noise because there are people cramming for their exams.

The kitchen is pretty tiny for the amount of people it's used by but everyone tries to keep it relatively clean. Adele paws through the cupboards to find packets of Swiss Miss while I boil the milk. As we sip the steaming hot chocolate with marshmallows, we lean against the counters chatting and giggling. An hour later Adele has headed back out into the storm and I'm washing out our mugs. I'm running the water to get it hot when I hear footsteps behind me. Moments later I feel a tug on my braid which I ignore. But I find it impossible to ignore it when he stands next to me, plucks the mugs out of my hands and begins to rinse them out.

"Hey Richard," I say, trying to edge away. He's standing really close to me, close enough that the smell of his Axe deodorant overwhelms me and the every time he shifts I get a whiff of laundry detergent from his t-shirt.

Richard grins at me. He's a freshman like me but he holds himself with a confidence that fits with his 6'1 frame. "How ya' doing Jess?" he asks me.

"Fine, thanks," I reply politely. I'm dying to leave the kitchen but I know Richard won't let me until he's satisfied we've had a good conversation. When I first met him at orientation I was intimidated by his big frame and self-confidence as well as the way he managed to attract all the girls. The lights glint off his blonde hair and when he gives me a wide smile I'm nearly blinded by his perfectly straight, white teeth. But for some reason I don't find him hot or attractive or handsome or _anything_. He's just irritating. Unfortunately he seems to have made it his life goal to make me his girlfriend and has decided that I'm just playing hard to get.

"When are your folks coming to pick you up?" he says, conversationally.

I mentally groan. I need to go pack. "Friday," I give what I hope he thinks is a smile in an effort to get him to shut up.

"Ah," he nods. "Only two days to pack. You must be busy."

"Yeah, I kinda am," I tell him, hoping he'll pick up on my unsubtle hint.

And it seems he does because he says, "Alright, well have a great Christmas Jess. I'll catch ya later."

I wave to him before fleeing to my room and shutting the door. I glance around, I've done absolutely no packing and I have to do my laundry. I get to work, sorting through my clothes and finding duffel bags to put things in. Halfway through I realize that everything is more enjoyable with music so I power up my laptop and put on The Shins. Half an hour later my room looks strangely bare, I've put away everything and my bags sit by the door. I'm about to head to the dining hall to get dinner when my computer chimes. Pulling my chair up the desk I pull up my IM account and see ONE NEW MESSAGE flashing on the screen. Clicking it on I see it's from Emma.

**E.J. Hawthorne: Hey!**

**J. Delaney: Hey back!**

**E.J. Hawthorne: Is it snowing in NY? We've got about a foot so far up here in VT.**

**J. Delaney: That sucks. Will your dad be able to get up there?**

**E.J. Hawthorne: Heck yeah! He's used to snow. I'll be home Saturday afternoon **

**J. Delaney: I'll be home then too!**

**E.J. Hawthorne: See you then!**

**J. Delaney: Ciao!**

The next two days fly by in a flurry of saying goodbye to my friends, exchanging presents, and last minute laundry loads. Three o'clock on Friday finds me standing anxiously standing on the sidewalk outside my dorm waiting for my family to arrive. The cold air nips at my exposed face and hands but I'm too hyped up to mind. Around me are huge snow drifts and there's a narrow pathway cleared for people to walk on. I bounce up and down on the balls of my feet and finally I spy my family's van rounding the corner. It pulls up to the curb and immediately my entire family piles out.

My mother hugs me tightly all the while saying, "Jess! Jess, it's fantastic seeing you!"

Once my mother has released me, my father hugs me as well while Dylan and Ryan run around, laughing hysterically and slipping on the snow banks. I chase them down and force them to hug me although they both have a good seven inches and about forty pounds on me.

"Ewww, Jess!" Dylan complains.

"Get over it. You're not in first grade anymore," I scold him cheerfully.

Ryan wrinkles his nose and hurls a snowball at his brother which quickly starts a snowball fight between the two of them. "Boys!" my mother says sternly. "You promised you'd be on your best behavior."

They meekly drop the snow they were holding and troop into the building with us. It's crowded in the elevator with all five of us, but everyone's too happy and giddy to mind. I haven't seen my family since September since our plans for Thanksgiving fell through due to my course work load. The twins have grown bigger and more rowdy but my mother and father look exactly the same. I show them my bedroom where Ryan and Dylan have a field day snooping through my stuff and the kitchen, where the twins raid the fridge for any food despite my protests. Finally, my father and brothers grab my bags and we head back out the car where we find our hotel after getting lost a couple times.

The deal was that if we stayed in a fancy hotel all of us would have to stay in one bedroom. My brothers and I agreed so my mother booked us a room at the Bowery Hotel. The moment we enter the lobby, bell boys swoop down and take our luggage up to our room. While my father checks us in at the main desk, my brothers flop down on the sofas and prop their feet on the coffee table. My mother spies them and hurries over, mortified.

"Boys!" she whispers fiercely. "This is called bad manners. Put your feet down and stay out of trouble!"

The twins exchange glances before regretfully putting their feet firmly on the floor. By now my father has finished checking us in and crosses the room to us, flourishing four key cards. "One of me, one for your mother, one for Jess, and the twins can share one," he explains. The elevator is way fancier than my dorm's and moves smoothly and quickly. We all stumble out at the correct floors and the twins race ahead to find our room. Once my father is sure it is the correct room the twins have a mini wrestling match to see who can unlock the door.

The room is fairly large and it's quickly decided that my parents will have the bed, I'll sleep on the fold-out couch and the twins will occupy the cots. By the time we're all settled down, my brothers' stomachs are growling and after a bit of discussion we head downtown for dinner.

My mother loops her arm through my father's as we stroll downtown, enjoying the sights. Behind us the Empire State Building glows green and red and the lights of midtown shine brightly. A cold breeze blows and I shiver slightly. My mother leaves my father's side, putting an arm around my shoulders, and falling into step with me.

"It's good to see you Jess. We missed you."

"Thanks Mom," I smile at her. "I missed you all too." Just then, Ryan tackles Dylan, sending him into a snow bank. "Well, I missed you and Dad."

She laughs, "You know you secretly missed them."

"I guess I did," I admit. "Just a bit."

Dinner passes in a rush of laughter, bright lights, and Chinese food. By the time we've paid the bill and devoured our fortune cookies, it's almost ten o'clock and my brothers are beginning to yawn. My parents decide to splurge on a cab and we all pile into a yellow taxi. We pass through Chinatown and into the more gentrified part of the Bowery. Museums, bars, fancy restaurants, and nightclubs replace the small shops and apartment buildings. I grow sleepy and rest my head against my father's shoulder. I must fall asleep because my father is soon shaking my shoulder and helping me out of the taxi.

"Alright, it's bed time," my mother announces and herds my whole family to our bedroom. She makes sure my brothers brush their teeth and change into their pajamas before saying goodnight to me. "Go to sleep Jess. We have a long day waiting for us tomorrow."

The next day at four o'clock in the afternoon I'm very happy I listened to my mother and got my beauty sleep. I'm squished between my two brothers and car is uncomfortably warm. The stereo is blaring and my parents are having a heated discussion in the front over whether or not to hire more staff. I stare at the road, willing for time to go faster and try to tune out the sound of my parents' voices and my brothers' snoring.

Finally the highway melts into the familiar landscape of Concord. Sighing in relief I open my window and let the clean, cold air rush over my face. New York is an amazing city to live in but it never feels like the air is completely clean. We drive by Concord Library, Walden Middle School, Colonial Academy, and the skating rink. I smile, it's good to see the place where I grew up and see the peacefulness. Snowdrifts eight feet tall are on all the sidewalks and the sky looks gray, a sign more snow will fall within the hour.

"We're home," my father declares pulling into our driveway but I'm already out of the car, making a beeline for the farm where I say hello to the goats, Led and Zep, as well as any cats that happen to be there.

Half an hour I return to the house smelling of barn but nobody comments. Instead they're all preoccupied with the fact that Dylan just smashed a whole stack of my mother's plates.

I smile, it's good to be home.

**Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry for the wait! This is my new story, Returning Home which will be in mainly in Jess's POV (I think). Even though this chapter seems like a one-shot (or just random), it's not; I just needed a way to introduce the story. So read and review! **

**-Ana **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I'm in the middle of a dream where I'm back at Colonial Academy riding Blackjack when I'm shaken awake. "Huh? What?" I splutter, sitting up.

"Jess, it's five o'clock," someone says. I blink, trying to clear the sleep from my eyes and peer through the darkness. I can just make out my mother's shadowy figure standing next to me.

"Alright, thanks," I mumble, letting my head fall back onto the pillow and preparing to go back to sleep.

"No, get up," my mother insists. "You said you wanted to help in the barn. Your father and I gave the farmhands the day off so we need your help."

I give a long groan. I'm tempted to crawl under the covers and wake up again at a decent hour but a sense of duty compels me to get up. I wave a hand at my mother, "I'm up. Don't worry. Can you make me some coffee please?"

"No coffee," my mother says. "But I'll make some hot chocolate for you and the boys." With that she heads downstairs, leaving me to get ready.

I slip out of bed and shiver despite the fact I'm wearing flannel pajamas. It's only been two days since I got back but I decided that I wanted to get back into the farm routine. Switching on the lamp, I grab a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from my dresser. Down the hall I can hear my brothers getting up as well and speed up so I can get to the bathroom before them.

Scurrying out of my room, I make it to the bathroom seconds before the twins' bedroom door swings open. "Jess," Dylan complains. "No fair."

"You snooze, you lose," I tell him smugly before shutting the door. While I brush my teeth I inspect myself in the mirror. My blonde hair is a tangled mess and when I try to tame it, the comb gets stuck. Giving up, I rinse my face and grab a hair tie from the cabinet.

Downstairs my mother is pouring the hot chocolate into three mugs and popping in a couple of marshmallows into each mug. "Hey. You actually got up," she teases me.

"Just about. I've gone soft. First Colonial Academy and now NYU," I say.

My mom laughs and begins to say something but whatever it is gets cut off by the sound of boot-clad feet on the stairs. My brothers come crashing into the kitchen and grab their hot chocolate, greedily sipping them.

"Gross guys," I tell them and take a small sip of my own drink.

"Whatever," Ryan replies and the two of them slam their mugs down on the table and dash out into the yard.

I shake my head. "Will they ever learn manners?" I ask my mother who shrugs.

I get up and snag my coat and boots from next to the door. I give my mother a quick kiss and hurry out into the yard. The early morning air is bracing and I gratefully join my father and brothers in the warm barn where I get to work milking the goats and mucking out stalls. My hands soon become numb and chapped but I doggedly continue my task. The routine is comforting as are the familiar smells and sounds of the barn. One of the newest kittens winds its way around my ankles purring softly and I lean down and pat it carefully. Once I'm finished, I make my way into the creamery to help my father clean it and prepare for the day.

My father strips off his rubber gloves and rinses his hands before checking his watch. "Wow, it's already six-forty five. We should head back to the house; your mother probably has breakfast ready."

I stretch and smile at him, "Good. I'm starving. Hopefully she made something good."

"Pancakes I think," my father tells me.

"Sounds yummy," I say, finishing cleaning the last counter and dumping the rest of my stuff in the sink.

I follow my father across the yard into the kitchen where I kick off my boots and hang my jacket on a peg. When I look up, I'm surprised to see my brothers already at the table greedily devouring a stack of steaming pancakes. "Pigs," I tell them cheerfully, snagging the plate from Ryan's syrup covered fingers.

"Hey! We were hungry," they protest.

I roll my eyes and pass the plate of pancakes back to them. My mom and dad sit at the table and soon a conversation about what needs to be done starts up. I mostly ignore the talk until I hear the word "hockey". My head jerks up. "What about hockey?" I ask, interrupting my mother.

"Jess," my father warns me.

"Sorry Mom," I say. "But what about hockey?"

Dylan pipes up, "Ryan and I joined the hockey team."

I gape. "Are you serious? How come I never knew about this?"

Ryan shrugs, biting into another pancake. "I guess we didn't get around to it. But you can come to our practice today if you want."

I don't say anything and so the conversation resumes. But I'm lost in my thoughts._ How could I have missed that my little brothers joined hockey?_ _What else did I miss? _I quickly shake myself out of my funk and decide that I'll make plans to see Emma today. After helping to clear the table I take a shower and make myself presentable. As I sit cross legged on my bed flipping through my yearbook from Colonial Academy I call Emma.

She picks up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey Emma."

"Oh hey Jess! What's up?"

"Just get back into the whole waking up at five in the morning thing." She laughs and I pause and then ask, "Did you know my brothers joined the hockey team?"

"Really?" Emma sounds surprised. "Well, I figured that it would happen soon enough. Almost every boy, and now girl, thanks to Cassidy, tries out for the hockey team when they're in middle school."

"That's true. So apparently they have a practice today and I was wondering if you wanted to meet me there so we could watch and just hang out," I say.

"Sure. What time does it start?"

"About one I think," I answer.

Faintly in the background I hear someone say, "Emma?"

Emma's reply in somewhat muffled but she soon is back on saying in a rush, "Okay, cool. I'll see you at the rink at one."

Before I have a chance to say anything else, the line is dead. I sigh and put the phone on the nightstand before turning back to the yearbook on my lap. Flipping through it, I find photos of Adele, Frankie, and Savannah and I as well as various other friends. I lost touch with Frankie and Savannah during the summer after we graduated since we were going to colleges so far apart. The memories of my high school years come flooding back and nostalgia sweeps over me. I shake it off, mentally scolding myself, _you're only eighteen, don't get all sentimental. _

I can feel my eyes growing heavy and I slide under the covers, promising myself that I'll only sleep for a few minutes. However, when I wake up I see that it's 12:30, only a half hour until I have to meet Emma.

There's a knock on my door and my mother pokes her head in. "The twins are leaving in fifteen minutes. You should get yourself together," she adds, eying my knotted hair and rumpled clothes.

I stifle a yawn and once she's satisfied I'm up, she heads to my brothers' room. I put my hair in my signature braid and put on an outfit that is suitable for the freezing weather outside. I troop downstairs and am greeted by my brothers who are waiting impatiently by the front door. They're carrying duffel bags with all their gear in it and announce that my mother has declared she has too much to do and that I should drive them to the rink.

I nod, and grab a set of car keys from the hook by the door. A gust of cold air blows in as the twins push open the door, raising goose bumps on my neck and I hurriedly unlock the minivan. The twins climb in, jostling each other and I sit in the driver's seat, switching on the heat full blast.

"It's too hot," Dylan complains as I glance over my shoulder as I prepare to back out of the driveway.

"Be a man and deal with it," I tease him. "It's a short ride. Besides, you'll be grateful once you're out on the ice."

He doesn't respond but in the mirror I can see him sitting slumped in the seat, a grouchy look on his face. Ryan elbows him and whispers something in his ear that causes him to flush. I wonder what that's about but before I have a chance to ask, I see the turning for the rink up ahead. I pull up in front of the entrance and Ryan and Dylan jump out with their bags, saying a muttered "bye".

I shake my head and find a parking spot. Once I switch off the engine, I slide out of the car and look around. All around are snow banks that are still miraculously white; unlike in New York City where within hours of falling snow is a dirty gray. There are cars parked around and the trees in the lot look bare and cold against the flat, gray sky that hints at more snow. I tromp through the path worn by previous skaters and settle in the stands, glancing at my phone. It's 12:07 and Emma hasn't shown yet. At that moment my phone buzzes with a message from Emma: running late. b there in 5!

Out on the ice, my brother and their teammates are getting warmed up, doing speed laps around the ice and laughing hysterically. I pass the time by identifying all the skaters I can and coming up with the Latin names for anything I can think of. Finally at 12:17 Emma walks into the rink. She spots me and waves before sitting next to me.

"Jess!" she exclaims.

"Emma!" I laugh, giddy at seeing her again.

"You look awesome," she says.

"You do too," I tell her and it's the truth. She's straightened her brown hair which falls in ripples down her back and is wearing her contacts.

"Aww thanks," she replies. "So how's it being back in Concord?"

"Good, but in a weird way. How about you?"

"I feel the same way. Like even though everything is the same, it's not."

"Exactly! So how are classes at Stony Brook?" I ask her.

"Terrible. Math 101 is killing me!" she groans dramatically.

I laugh and when I spy a flash of brown curls above me, I grin. Leaping up, I lock my arms around Darcy Hawthorne. "Darcy! You didn't say you'd be coming."

In my embrace Darcy seems tense but he smiles at me. I look up at his chocolate brown eyes and think I spy a look of apprehension but it's gone before I can tell if I'm imagining it. "Jess," he says, his voice as deep and as warm as always. "It's great to see you." He drops a kiss on top of my head.

"How's Dartmouth?" I ask him.

"Good," he says. "I'm going to go see if the coach needs help. The team needs to be in peak condition for their games."

He hurries away, leaving me staring at his retreating figure. I turn to Emma, feeling a bit hurt and embarrassed. "Do you know why he seemed so…tense?"

She shakes her head, "Nope, he seemed fine earlier."

I frown but drop the subject, instead switching my attention to the ice. Darcy steps out and begins to skate around the perimeter, correcting the form of a skater every so often. My gaze follows him around the rink until Emma bumps against me playfully. "Cheer up," she says in an attempt to take my mind off of Darcy. "I'm sure it's nothing. He's probably just worried about his exams or something."

I'm unconvinced but allow the conversation to be steered into more cheerful topics and for the rest of the hockey practice Emma and I catch up and gossip. We talk about Megan who is attending a Parisian university, Becca who went to Boston University, and Stewart and Emma's relationship which is apparently going swimmingly. But our biggest topic is Cassidy who is training for the Winter Olympics after deciding to take a gap year before starting college.

All too soon the hockey team is streaming off the ice, chattering excitedly and grabbing drinks of water. I stand reluctantly, telling Emma, "I should probably see if the twins need a ride home or if they're going to hang out with friends."

I approach the twins. "Hey guys. Do you need a ride home?"

Dylan shakes his head, sending his shaggy blonde hair flying. "Nah, we're going over to Andrew's house." He points to a tall, gangly boy who I realize is Third's little brother. I wave and he blushes.

"Alright cool. I'll tell Mom. See you later," I say, leaving them and preparing to head back to Emma.

As I'm halfway to Emma, Darcy steps in front of me, twisting his hands nervously. "Jess, can I talk to you?"

I smile at him but he looks serious. "Yeah, sure."

"Uhh…could we maybe go somewhere private?"

"Sure," I say as I lead him over to a small alcove by the water fountains.

We stand, cloaked in shadows and Darcy clears his throat and shifts nervously. "Jess, I have to tell you something…"

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry for the wait (and the cliffhanger). I promise I'll try to update sooner and I couldn't resist throwing in the part about Cassidy and the Winter Olympics. Are any of you watching? **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The excited voices from the skaters sound from the rink but Darcy is silent. I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows. His silence is excruciating and I finally break it. "So…what did you want to talk to me about?" I prod him.

"I…" His face contorts into an expression that is a combination of pain and regret. He shifts and refuses to meet my unwavering gaze. "Jess, I need to be honest with you. Right before I came home-" his voice breaks and he struggles to regain his composure. "There was a girl in my history class and well...I cheated on you."

"You _cheated_ on me?" His words ring in my ears over and over and over. The world suddenly feels unsteady and I can feel my eyes burning, a sure sign I'm going to cry. I angrily stare at the rink's fluorescent lights, willing the tears not to fall. "How could you?"

Darcy winces and looks as though he wishes the floor would open up and swallow him. He runs a hand through his hair before answering. "Jess, I'm so sorry. It was a frat party and I guess I had too much to drink and I don't know, she came up and started to flirt with me. And well, one thing led to another."

I glance up at him. He looks weary and I notice for the first time he has dark bags under his eyes. The rink air suddenly feels frigid and I shiver. "I thought we were meant to be together," my voice sounds vulnerable and betrayed.

"I'm so sorry," he tells me sorrowfully but I barely register it. It's too late for apologies. A relationship is supposed to be based on trust and respect and with a single sentence Darcy lost all of it.

"Well then. I guess this means this is the end of our relationship," I say. Inside, I'm a jumble of confused and conflicting emotions but on the outside I try to keep a mask of cool indifference.

He looks like he wants to say something and tries to put a hand on my shoulder but I twist away so his hand lands on air. "I'm sorry Jess," he repeats.

I can't take it anymore so I flee from the rink, my sneakers squeaking on the tile floor. Out of the corner of my eye I see Emma following me. I throw the doors open and sprint outside. Once I'm in the middle of the parking lot, I realize my coat is draped over my arm and that I left my scarf on my chair. As I slip on my coat and zip it up, Emma joins me. She wordlessly hands me my striped scarf before hugging me tightly. "He broke up with you," she says. It's a statement, not a question.

A brief stab of anger goes through me. Did Emma know? But I quickly brush it away, of course she didn't. All of a sudden a sob wracks through my body and I feel tears stream down my face. They leave frozen tracks on my cheeks and before long I'm shivering uncontrollably.

"C'mon, let's get you to the car," Emma says, and I see that it's cold enough I can see her breath. She leads me to the car where I fumble around in my purse for the car keys. "You're in no fit state to drive," she tells me firmly and gives me a gentle shove towards the passenger seat.

I mechanically climb into the car and put on my seat belt. The car shakes slightly as Emma shuts her door with a slam and she starts the engine, sending a faint purr through the car. The air is frigid so Emma turns on the heat before heading towards my house. We're more than halfway there I finally speak. "I can't believe it. Darcy. My first boyfriend. I thought he would be the last person to cheat on me."

He cheated on you?" Emma sounds shocked. She flicks a glance at me and makes a sharp right turn.

I nod and she grips the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turn white. My voice trembles as I say, "He said he got drunk at a frat party before break and a girl from his history class started to flirt with him."

After making a quick turn into my driveway which sends snow flying, Emma kills the engine and we sit there for a moment. I can faintly hear the chickens clucking and the sound of a radio drifts from the barn. "That doesn't seem like Darcy. Getting drunk. I mean, if he got caught he could lose his scholarship. And cheating on you." She shakes her head wordlessly and gives a bitter laugh.

"Maybe he had to blow off steam," I say miserably. "Maybe I didn't give him enough attention."

"Don't even say that," Emma tells me fiercely. "You did nothing wrong. A long distance relationship is always hard. I know that." She leans back in her seat and sighs.

"But Stewart's never cheated on you," I point out.

"Darcy made one wrong choice Jess. It's something any of us could have done." Seeing the indignant look on my face, she adds gently, "I'm not saying what he did was right or _good_, but I'm just saying, don't judge him too harshly."

At this point I don't care whether or not Darcy did it on purpose. All I care about is the fact that we are no longer a couple. That he'll never kiss me again and I'll never see his brown eyes twinkle at me or hear his booming laugh when I make a joke. A tear rolls down my nose and Emma hands me a tissue. I wipe my nose and sniff, "I can't believe he broke up with me. Or maybe I broke up with him. Either way I can't believe it."

"I know," Emma wraps an arm around my shoulder comfortingly. "Let's go inside. You can change into clean clothes, wash your face and I'll make you some tea. After all there's not much a cup of tea can't solve." I manage a weak chuckle and wipe my eyes on my sleeve.

For once the kitchen is clean and quiet. The ticking of the clock gives a peaceful air to the room. I head to the bathroom to clean up while Emma makes tea and prepares a snack. I return to the kitchen feeling much calmer although my nose and eyes are still red. Emma has just set down a platter of crackers and cheese along with steaming cups of fragrant tea when the back door opens, bringing in gust of cold air. My father enters, stamping his boots on the welcome mat and bringing in the smell of animals.

"Jess, Emma, how was practice?" he asks warmly before spotting my face. "Jess, what happened?"

He hurries towards me and I wipe my eyes quickly. "I'm fine," I say, but even I can tell I sound pretty unconvincing.

"Jess, something's wrong. Maybe I can help."

I know he can't so but I feel bad making him worry. "It's fine Dad. It's just that Darcy broke up with me."

Oh, I'm sorry." He sounds awkward but genuine.

I suddenly feel embarrassed by his pity and take a sip of tea so I can avoid answering him. The tea has just a touch of milk and sugar. Just the way I like it. Somehow telling my father makes it more real than telling Emma. My dad takes a deep breath, "I wish I could make it better and I know I'm going to sound callous but the best thing is just to let time pass. I really wish I could stay but I've got some chores to do." He drops a kiss on my head and leaves the kitchen.

I sit there for a few more minutes, wrapping my hands around the mug, staring vacantly out the window and trying to gather my thoughts. When I finally come back to life, Emma looks relieved and does her best to comfort me. The rest of the afternoon passes with Emma trying to cheer me up, which I appreciate, but doesn't do much for me. Finally, after the last of the sunlight has faded, Emma regretfully announces that she has to leave.

I muster a smile. "Thanks Em. For being here and trying to help me. I know it can't have been much fun."

She smiles at me, a hint of sadness in her expression. "That's what friends are for Jess. I know you would do the same for me so I'll be over tomorrow to check on how you're doing, okay?"

"Okay," I reply morosely, staring down at the table.

She lightly touches my shoulder before exiting the house and leaving me alone with my thoughts. The rest of my family is still not home and the only lights on are in the kitchen, so I wander through the house, flipping on lights in an effort to make it seem more welcoming. I find myself in my bedroom, which looks exactly the same as when I left it earlier in the day even though inside I'm a changed person. My eyes are drawn to a framed photo of Darcy and me which occupies the place of honor on the dresser. Suddenly feeling furious, I stalk over to it and slam in facedown, feeling a faint satisfaction when I hear the tinkle of breaking glass. Going strategically through my room, I break or get rid of anything that has anything to do with Darcy; all of the anniversary presents, the photos, cards, and letters he wrote me. When I get to the bracelet he got me for Christmas in my sophomore year, I stare at it blankly before shoving it deep into a draw at the bottom of my desk. I can't get rid of it quite yet.

Once I've finished my binge, I curl up on my bed and wait for the tears to come. But they don't. Instead all I can think about is the girl who Darcy cheated on me with. Was she tall? Skinny? Brown haired or blonde? Was she smart? Nice? Popular? I go from angry, to depressed, to heartbroken. But I can't seem to find an appropriate outlet for my feelings so I just lie there, silently fuming and replaying our last conversation over and over.

When my clock reads 7:07 PM, I hear the front door unlocked and Ryan and Dylan's voices drifting through the house accompanied by my mother's voice. My mom must've picked them up from the Bartletts' house. I'm relieved; maybe having my loud brothers around will help distract me from my sorrows. I hear my mother's light tread on the stairs. She calls, "Jess? Where are you?"

I don't respond but she guesses where I am anyway. When she swings open the door, I don't bother to look up but I can hear her sharp intake of breath as she sees my room. It's a wreck; glass all over the floor, photos ripped up, draws open with their contents spilling out and furniture askew. "Are you okay?"

I roll over and grunt. Why does everybody keep asking me that? Do I look fine? I feel my bed dip down as my mother sits on the edge and places a comforting hand on my knee. "Darcy broke up with me." She lets out a faint gasp and strokes my hair but doesn't say anything so I continue. "He—he cheated on me," I hiccup and feel the tears start.

She pulls me into her arms and although I feel a little babyish, I don't protest. Rubbing my back, she murmurs, "It's okay to cry Jess. Everybody does. I did when my first boyfriend dumped me. I spent a whole week in my PJs, watching TV."

I sniff and hug her. "Thanks," I mutter into her shirt before pulling away.

"Do you want me to bring you some dinner? I have the feeling you don't want to be around Ryan and Dylan right now." I nod and she gives me another hug. "Stay strong Jess. It'll get better I promise."

I stare at my ceiling. I really hope she's right. But who can get over someone like Darcy?

**Author's Note: I know Jess was a bit OC in this chapter, but I mean come on, Darcy just broke up with her! For those Dess/Jarcy fans out there, I'm sorry but hopefully they'll get back together eventually! **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I lose track of time after my breakup with Darcy but eventually I roll out of bed with a resolution to pull myself together. My mouth is dry and gross and I feel disorientated. Step one of feeling better is opening my curtains, which reveals a beautiful, clear, crisp winter day. The bright sunlight reveals the mess that my room has become; clothes heaped all over the floor, mugs and plates full of uneaten food stacked on the desk, shards of glass from my tantrum still scattered all over, and the bed unkempt. But the biggest mess is me. When I glance at the mirror, I actually wince at my reflection. My eyes are red and swollen along with shadows which are testaments to sleepless nights. My nose is raw from all the tissues and my hair looks as though a bird has made a nest in it.

I check my phone, which has laid untouched on my nightstand for the past few days and see the huge amount of texts, missed calls, and voicemails left by Emma and various other friends. Sighing, I make another promise to myself I'll get back to them as soon as I clean up and take a shower. As I'm about to power off my cell, I see happen to see the date and my eyes widen. December 24? It can't be! But even when I clear my eyes and check again, the date stays the same. I moped around for six days? And it's almost Christmas?!

My mind wanders to the skimpy pile of presents in my closet and I immediately feel guilty. I only have presents for my brothers and Emma. Shaking my head, I decide to do a quick clean-up and then head into town for some last minute shopping. I cautiously cross the room to my dresser where I pluck out the first outfit my hand touches and scurry to the bathroom, not wanting my family to see how awful I look. A hot shower and massive amounts of shampoo and conditioner improve my appearance drastically. Paired with clean clothes, a comb, and lotion I feel like a new person.

I exit the bathroom, only to bump into my mother holding a pile of brightly wrapped presents, who looks surprised to see me. "Jess!" she exclaims. "You're up!"

I give her a wry grin, "Yeah. I'm going to clean my room and go shopping."

"That's good, honey," she replies, giving me a kiss on my forehead. "But don't push yourself too hard."

I frown, what does she mean by that? But I nod and smile anyway, returning to my room. Shutting the door firmly, I survey the mess making a plan on how to clean it up efficiently. Finally, after forty-five minutes of manic cleaning, my room is back to normal with fresh sheets on the bed and everything put away neatly. I allow myself feel the satisfaction that comes with cleaning something for only a moment. Heading downstairs, I glance in the mirror to see how I look and am relieved to see that I look back to normal with the exception of my nose looking a bit red. I pause at the doorway of the kitchen, taking in the scene before me. My brothers are sitting at the table, enthusiastically sparring with knives while my father fries pancakes and talks to them about hockey. But as I enter the kitchen, all activity halts and my father and brothers look at me warily, as if to see if I'm going to burst out crying or something.

There's a long silence and Dylan is the first to say something. "Dad," he yelps, "you're burning the pancakes!"

My father quickly turns his attention to the pan on the stove, adding the pancake to stack next to him and setting it in front of Ryan and Dylan who immediately pounce on it. As he greases the pan, he says, "It's good to see you up and about, Jess."

It's tempting to giggle at how awkward they're all acting but I manage to keep a straight face as I slide into my customary seat. "Uh, yeah. I thought it was time to get out of bed and actually do something."

There's another pause before Ryan shoots a mischievous glance at his twin and then turns to me. "So Jess," he says innocently. "Why did you and Darcy break up?" I'm about to tell him to mind his own business when he grins evilly and says, "Was it because you couldn't date a guy who's obsessed with the Little Mermaid?"

He and Dylan burst into rowdy laughter, leaving me contemplating whether or not to laugh at the memory of Darcy or cry at the mention of my break up. I'm still not ready to talk about Darcy with anyone, let alone my pesky little brothers. Luckily, my father comes to me rescue. "Boys, give it a break," he rebukes them.

Although they fall silent, they are not in the least bit ashamed. I look down at the table as I silently help myself to some pancakes. After a few moments I can feel their identical gazes on me. Ryan exhales sharply and then mumbles, soft softly I nearly miss it, "Sorry, Jess."

My head jerks up. Ryan apologizing and actually sounding _sincere_? That's unheard of! When I look up, I see no trace of mocking in his eyes and relent, "It's okay guys…just, don't mention it again."

Their heads bob up and down in unison and begin to eat pancakes at a pace that makes me sick. Dylan pauses to take a breath and gives a faint snicker. "What?" I ask.

"Ryan only apologized because he knows he wouldn't want to be teased about-" He's silenced by a swift jab in the rib from his twin.

"Teased about what?" I say intrigued.

After catching a sharp look from Ryan, Dylan finishes lamely, "Nothing."

Finishing my breakfast, I eye the twins suspiciously and take a swig of orange juice from my glass and go upstairs to get ready to go to town. As I step into my room, I see my phone on my nightstand and I am reminded of my previous promise to respond to all the messages.

The first message is predictably from Emma; after all I had refused to see her after she left on the day of the breakup. The first one is followed by about ten or twenty missed calls and voice mails she's left which I don't bother listening to. I'm surprised to see a few from Cassidy and even Savannah, offering their condolences but also wishing me a "merry (almost) Christmas!" I text them back, giving my thanks and warm wishes for the holidays. Then I steel myself and call Emma.

"JESSICA DELANEY!" Emma's voice is so loud I momentarily go deaf. "WHY EXACTLY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN RETURNING ANY OF MY MANY CALLS, TEXTS, AND VOICEMAILS?"

I wait for a pause in her tirade and then jump in. "Sorry Em. I was sort of out of it. You understand right? Remember what it was like when Stewart broke up with you in freshman year of high school?"

There's a pause and then Emma gives a gusty sigh. "I suppose so."

"Yeah, I basically just lay on my bed doing nothing."

"Aw Jess," she says sympathetically. "How are you holding up now? You sound better at least."

"I guess I am. I mean, I'm up and dressed so that's an improvement," I answer dryly.

She gives a small laugh. "A definite one. So what are you doing today?"

"Going shopping. I realize tomorrow is Christmas and I barely have any presents so I feel kind of bad about that, especially since I should've gone shopping in New York."

"Do you want some company?" she asks.

I hesitate, trying to be diplomatic. "Well, that's very kind of you Emma. But I think I'd rather just have some time to be alone and process things."

"Okay, have it your way. If you change your mind, just call. I have no plans except to relax so I'm free."

"Thanks," I say gratefully. "I'll talk to you later."

Half an hour later I'm parking my family's old truck in front of the local coffee shop. Once I'm on the sidewalk, I tuck my scarf more securely around my neck and lock the truck. I stand on the pavement, thinking over what I need to get for family and friends and where I can get everything. Once I map out my shopping trip in my head, I stride purposefully toward the center of town, heading for my first destination; Josephine's to pick up some beauty products for my mother.

I enter the warm shop and wander around the sales room, glancing at several products I think my mother might like. Most of the time I have to put them back because they are way out of my price range, but I finally decide on a decently priced bottle of hand lotion and some perfume that won't make me go bankrupt. As I head to the register to pay, I spot a hair product I know Megan would love, so I scoop it up as well. Satisfied with my purchases, I leave the store and make a beeline for the Concord bookstore to find a present for my father.

Shopping for presents proves to be a challenge, and by twelve-thirty I still have to find presents for Cassidy and Adele. But by this time, I'm starving and opt to have lunch at Pies & Prejudice before continuing my hunt for gifts. My face is numb and inside my gloves, my hands are feeling frozen so I'm happy to step inside the bustling teashop and be offered a table in a secluded corner.

I slip off my coat and hang it over the back of my chair while looking around. The shop is as cheerful as ever, the yellow and white walls with quotes and white wooden furniture a contrast to the bleak winter day outside. Christmas decorations are all around in the form of a small evergreen tree by the window, multicolored lights strung around the window, and a wreath on the far wall. I pick up the menu and idly scan it, deciding almost immediately on a cup of tea and a turkey sandwich. As I wait for a waiter to take my order, I people watch. At the table near the front door, a middle aged woman is reading a novel while sipping coffee. The table next to her consists of a young woman trying to control her three children who are devouring everything in sight and throwing food.

Although I look carefully, I'm disappointed to see that nobody I know is in the teashop, not even Gigi. Finally, a hassled young woman comes over to my table. She plucks a notepad and a pen from her apron pocket and gives me a tired smile. "Hi, I'm Alyssa and I'll be your waitress today."

I return her smile. "Hey Alyssa. I'd like a turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato with chips and a cup of earl gray tea please."

She scribbles something on her notepad and nods before hurrying over to another table. I stare after her; she's young, no more than fifteen or sixteen with curly brown hair that's currently tied up in a loose knot at the top of her head. For some reason, I'm reminded of Becca, who continued to waitress here right until college even though her father had a job. It was just another reminder of how she'd changed.

About five minutes later, Alyssa returns with a tray full of my food. She sets it in front of me, barely sparing me a nod before rushing back to the kitchen. I dig in, realizing how hungry I am from not eating properly the past few days. Once my sandwich is finished, I take a sip of my sweetened tea and lean back in my chair, allowing myself to relax. I resume my people watching, enjoying watching people coming and going. It's peaceful not having to interact with people but still being out of the house.

There's a sudden lull where nobody comes in or leaves and I close my eyes momentarily. But for some reason, when the door swings open, jingling the bell I become hyper alert and my eyes fly open. The first person through the door is a young man who I know as Josh Bates, my family's full time farmhand. He holds the door open for someone behind him, who comes in with pink cheeks from the cold. As Josh looks around the tea shop he spots me. Waving he hurries over.

"Hey," he greets me with a grin.

"Hi Josh," I smile back. "I thought you were going home for Christmas."

"I am. Just wanted to stay in Concord a bit longer and show my brother around." He jerks his thumb over his shoulder.

And that's when I notice Jonas Bates. His gray eyes watch me and I flush, standing up quickly. "Hey Jonas."

"Jess," he says, giving a mock bow before shaking my hand.

The moment he takes my hand, I feel a spark and when I look up I know he felt it too.

**Author's Note: I know I haven't updated in over a week but I was on mid-winter break so I had lots to do. Anyway, I know it seems like Jess is moving on quickly but the story needs to gain some momentum. Sorry if she's OOC, I did my best. Read and Review! **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The bell over the door chimes as I push open the door and step outside into the now blustery day but I'm laughing too hard to notice the strong wind blowing around me.

"Are you serious? You actually set off a stink bomb in your kitchen?" I double over from laughter and clutch my side where a stitch has developed.

Jonas chuckles slightly and nods. "It was an accident, but yeah…"

I take a moment to catch my breath and calm myself down. "Who knew you were such a bad boy, Jonas?"

He adopts an exasperated expression but I see the corner of his mouth twitch, "Okay, if you're finished making fun of me, maybe we can take a walk around town and you can show me around."

I freeze. It sounds suspiciously like he's asking me out on a date, which I'm not ready for but then I quickly brush the thought away; it was just a friendly suggestion, nothing more.

"Sure. But I'm going to have to do a bit of shopping along the way," I say, watching him carefully to gauge his reaction.

He shrugs, "Sounds good. But you might want to put that scarf on. It's getting cold."

I glance down and realize that my scarf is draped over my arm and that it is in fact really cold. Wrapping it snuggly around my neck, I shoulder my bag and head down the block, pointing out certain landmarks. We wander around for a while, and every so often Jonas or I will stop at a shop window if we see something of interest.

It's around four o'clock and I'm beginning to feel a little frozen when Jonas tugs me over to the Concord Toy Shop. For a moment, we stand in front of the shop window and Jonas looks eagerly at the display. I take the opportunity to observe him out of the corner of my eye. He's still as cute as ever with his dark hair and gray eyes and lean frame. The wind has whipped color into his cheeks and his eyes are animated. As well as being good-looking, he's also really easy to talk to.

Soon after Jonas and Josh arrived, Josh announced that he had errands to do around town but that Jonas should stay and try some of Gigi's famous soup. Manners demanded that I ask him to sit with me and after a few awkward minutes, the ice was broken and I rediscovered a "kindred friend" to use Emma's term. In the four hours we've been hanging out we've talked about everything, spanning from childhood mischief to pet peeves. I even told him about Darcy even though it's still pretty raw. He was sympathetic but not pitying which I was grateful for.

"Jess?" Jonas is watching me, his head tilted to the side.

"Yeah?" I ask, snapping my attention back to the real world.

"I asked if we could go in the toy shop," Jonas says patiently.

"Definitely. It's always fun to look around, even if we are too old for anything in there," I say, brushing past him to get to the door with a cheerful wreath strung with lights hung on it. As Jonas follows me into the store I catch him watching me with a thoughtful look on his face which I pretend not to see.

The store is crowded with children gazing wistfully at toy trains and stuffed animals and parents rushing to buy last-minute presents. I make my way to the back of the store where it's slightly less crowded and browse through the books in stock which include _The Polar Express_, _The Cat and the Hat_, and _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_. As I absent-mindedly flip through a fairy tale, I glance around at the brightly lit store decked out with decorations and filled with holiday spirit. I feel myself being filled with holiday joy and realize that despite everything with Darcy, I am truly happy in this very moment. I'm also surprised to find that when Jonas appears next to me, my happiness doubles, leaving me feeling almost giddy.

"Hey," he grins at me, raising his voice so he can be heard over the babble of the store.

"Hey to you too." I give him a smile.

"So I was thinking that maybe we could get out of here…?"

"Of course, let me just buy something," I say.

"Okay, I'll meet you outside," and with that, he vanishes back into the crowd.

I pick up the copy of _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ and wonder briefly if what I'm doing is stupid. Debating briefly, I decide to just go with it, and head to the register to pay. After I've tucked the book into my bag, I exit the store to find that it's snowing lightly and Jonas is lounging on a bench that is covered with a dusting of snow, his back to me and watching the snow float down.

"I'm ready to go," I say.

He jumps and then gets up, brushing the snow off his jacket. "Get what you wanted?"

I nod. "You want a ride back to…?"

"Uh-" He hesitates slightly. "I actually made plans to meet my brother back at Half-Moon Farm, so a ride there would be great."

"Sure, my truck's parked a few blocks away," I gesture vaguely up Main Street.

"Thanks. Let me take some of those," he says, grabbing some of my shopping bags before I can protest.

"Such a gentleman," I tease him, throwing him a grin.

"It's called having _manners_, Jess," he sends me a mock glare. "And it seems like you could use some yourself."

I laugh and as we walk towards the truck, the playful banter continues, brightening my mood further. When we reach where I left the truck, I unlock the doors and toss all my shopping into the back before climbing into the driver's seat. I notice that Jonas is still standing on the sidewalk.

"Jonas! You going to get in the car or what?"

He starts, "Sorry. I was just looking at the snow and the street lights."

I look and notice that the sky is beginning to darken and that the lights have begun to turn on, casting a warm glow over the street.

"It's nice isn't it," I say softly, not wanting to break this unnatural silence.

"Yeah. My hometown never looks like this," Jonas says, settling himself in the passenger seat and strapping on a seatbelt.

I start the engine before answering. "I thought all little towns looked like this come Christmas time."

"Nope," Jonas replies. "Some can be pretty damn grim."

I laugh slightly and in the darkening car, I see him turn towards me. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"I'm not sure," I say honestly. "I'm just in a good mood."

His eyes widen comically. "Folks, a miracle has just occurred. Jessica Delaney has announced that she is in a 'good mood'. This moment will go down in history!"

I swat him playfully. Honestly, it feels like he's been my best friend forever and I haven't just met him for the second time. "Hey! That's not fair! I'm usually in a good mood."

Jonas laughs, a deep ringing sound that's infectious. "I know; it's just fun to tease you."

I roll my eyes and turn into the driveway where I park behind the mini-van. I guess that the rest of my family is home and my suspicions are confirmed when I see a light in a kitchen and shadows moving around.

Switching off the engine, I turn my body so I'm facing Jonas. "Did Josh set a time for you two to meet?"

He shakes his head. "Nah, Josh has never been one for setting times. He gets carried away with something and completely forgets the time."

"Well, I think for once he's kept to his word. There he is." I point to a figure crossing the barnyard, hunched against the wind that's blowing.

"Wow, that's a first," Jonas murmurs.

I shake my head in mock disbelief and climb out of the car, grabbing my bags as I go. "Josh!" I yell, waving my free arm.

"Jess!" he calls back, coming towards me with long, confident strides. "How was my baby brother?"

"Fine, thanks," Jonas says, sounding disgruntled. I chuckle. He comes around the truck to stand beside me and take some of the bags.

Josh throws an arm around his brother who's taller than him by a couple of inches and laughs loudly. "Let's get you guys inside, it's freezing and snowing hard now and I'm not wearing a coat."

"Were you going to the barn?" I ask.

"Just to check up on one of the goats but it can wait," he says, waving a hand dismissively.

He easily plucks the remaining bags from me and heads towards the house. Jonas and I follow him and together we all crowd into the foyer, placing the bags on various tables, shedding our various coats and other layers and then join my family in the kitchen. My brothers are at the table involved in a heated card game of War while my mother chops vegetables at the counter and my father prepares a roast chicken.

"Hi mom," I say cheerfully.

"Hey sweetie," she says, twisting around to look at me. She takes me in, my flushed face and bright eyes, looks satisfied, and turns back to the vegetables.

"What, no hello for your old man?" my father teases me.

I smile and give him a warm hug and even drop a kiss on my brothers' heads, much to their disgust.

My father looks at Jonas and Josh who are standing by the doorway awkwardly. "Do you boys want to stay for dinner? I know it's Christmas Eve and all, but we humbly offer you two chicken and roast potatoes. If you don't have plans of course."

"Only if you're sure we won't intrude," Josh says.

"Not at all," my mother says. "Christmas Eve is pretty casual around here. No fuss, no muss."

Josh and Jonas settle themselves at the table and start joking with the twins and I take the chance to dash upstairs with my shopping. Once in my room, I dump everything on the floor and madly search through the bags for the copy of _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ that I bought today. I finally find it, and grab a pen from my desk. Flipping it open, I find a blank page and write

_Jonas—_

_Thank you so much for not letting me being the Grinch that stole everyone's Christmas. I hope you enjoy this present—I guess I was wrong when I said the toy store only had things we were too old for. _

I frown and tap my pen against my chin. How do I sign it? I rack my brain and all of a sudden I remember Cassidy telling me about the book Tristan got her and how he signed it "fondly". I smile and finish the note.

_I know it may be too _young_ for you but it was one of my favorites when I was little._

_ Fondly,_

_ Jess_

I dig through my closet and find some Christmas themed wrapping paper. I quickly cut a square off and wrap the book up, writing in thick letters JONAS. Scurrying back downstairs, I leave it on the hall table and enter the kitchen. My father is just taking the chicken out of the oven along with roast potatoes and my mother is sliding vegetables onto a platter.

"Just in time," my father says, smiling at me.

"Yeah, getting out of setting the table," Ryan scowls.

I ruffle his hair to his annoyance and take a seat at the table between my mother and Jonas. Dinner is delicious and the conversation is full of laughter and jokes. An hour and a half later all our plates are clean and everyone is starting to look contented and sleepy.

Josh pushes back his chair. "Well Delaney family, that was delicious and I've enjoyed your company but Jonas and I should probably get going."

"Wait!" I leap out of my chair and get my present for Jonas. I return to the kitchen and thrust it at Jonas, suddenly feeling bashful. "Here you are. Happy early Christmas."

He looks pleased and a bit embarrassed but he pulls off the wrapping anyway. He opens it and reads the inscription and begins to laugh. "Thanks Jess. And you weren't being a Grinch, I promise."

My family laughs and for another half hour the conversation continues. Finally Josh clears his throat, "Jonas and I should probably leave. And I mean it this time."

My father smiles and Jonas and Josh get up to find their coats. For the next five minutes, it's chaos. Everyone mills around saying goodbye and finally Jonas and I are next to each other.

He hugs me and I notice he smells like sandalwood and soap. Finally he lets go and I step back, slightly intoxicated from his closeness. "Thank you for the present Jess. Honestly. I'm just sorry that I didn't get you're a present."

"It's okay," I assure him. "It was nice to see you again."

He smiles and pulls me in for another hug. "Bye Jess. See you soon."

He and Josh leave and I stand there, still smiling. Life is good.

**Author's Note: I'm so, so sorry for the long wait (over a month!) but I've been super busy the past few weeks. I hope you all are still interested in this story despite the lack of updates but I promise they'll be more frequent now that everything's calmed down. Any suggestions are welcome **

** -Ana **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I realize I haven't said a disclaimer at all! So, if I was Heather Vogel Frederick, I'd be working on the 7th book, not this!

"Ready, set, go!" Dylan cries. Both he and Ryan tear the wrapping paper off their last gifts, tossing the paper over their shoulders.

"Thanks, Jess!" Ryan says, gazing in awe at the stack of new video games.

Dylan is silent, staring at shock at the DS in his hand. He then looks up at me, his eyes wide. "Are you serious, Jess?"

I grin at him. "Yeah, the presents are for both of you. The games go with the DS."

"That's so cool!" crows Ryan, snatching the DS from Dylan. A scuffle ensues as the twins wrestle to gain control of the present.

"A very nice present," my mother says approvingly as she wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Very thoughtful."

Shrugging modestly I say, "Well, I wanted to get something nice for them and that's all I could think of."

My father leans over from where he's lounging in an armchair by the fireplace, "I think we owe you a present, Jess." He has a secretive smile on his face and his eyes are twinkling.

"Don't I have all my presents?" I ask, gesturing at the modest pile beside me.

My mother laughs, "You think that's all you're getting for Christmas?"

She has a point; the pile consists of a few books, socks, and some riding gear. I had been a bit disappointed when I saw them, but had reminded myself that the holiday was more than just the presents.

"I just thought…" I trail off as I see a grin spread across my parents' faces.

My father stands and helps me off the ground. "Okay, grab your coat and I'll meet you in the driveway in two minutes. Dress warm. You too, boys," he tells my brothers, as he leaves the living room.

By now, I'm burning with curiosity. "What is it?" I ask my mother.

She simply gives me a mysterious smile before disappearing after my father. I turn and find my brothers standing, looking rumpled in their pajamas. They look as confused as me but when I give them a questioning look they simply shrug before scampering off to find their boots and coats. Hesitating, I glance around the room, reluctant to go out into the cold morning when there's a fire crackling in the grate and the tree is lit up, casting a cozy glow all around.

Sighing, I head into the hallway and pull on a pair of snow boots (another foot of snow fell during the night) and a puffy jacket. I wrap a scarf loosely around my neck and swing open the front door, really hoping the present is worth going out into the freezing morning. A frigid wind sweeps over me, whipping my hair into my face and sending my scarf flying.

My father catches from where he's standing and holds it out to me, grinning. "Your scarf. Put it on securely. C'mon boys," he calls to my brothers who appear from the back of the house.

Ryan and Dylan tramp through the snow, shoving each other as they go. "What is it, Dad?" one of them asks. It's impossible to tell who is who, especially since they're all bundled up.

"A present for Jess. Wait a second while I find your mother." He troops off, back to the house and my brothers take the opportunity to lob a snowball at me.

"Guys!" I exclaim indignantly, wiping the snow off my face and wincing as some of it makes its way past my collar.

I quickly scoop up some of the powdery snow and shape it into a solid snowball, ignoring the tingling in my fingers from the cold. I throw it at Dylan as hard as possible and duck as another one comes flying towards me. Forming another one, I aim it at Ryan this time and am promptly hit in the chest by a handful of lose snow.

When my parents emerge from the house five minutes later, they find an intense snowball fight in progress which they quickly join. Finally, I'm so exhausted and out of breath from laughter, I just flop down in the snow. My mother laughs and I know I must be a sight; hair soaking wet, fingers red and numb, and pajama pants. I catch glimpses of snowballs flying but I'm content to watch the clouds sail by in the bright blue sky and catch my breath. My ribs ache from laughter and my throat feels raw from yelling but I'm perfectly content.

Eventually, the snowball fight is abandoned and my father comes over to me. "Maybe we need to change into dry clothes and get some tea or something and _then_ show you your present."

"That might be a good idea," my mother agrees, herding all of us into the house where we shed our wet boots, coats, scarves, and gloves.

I retreat upstairs to change into a pair of jeans and t-shirt and dry my hair. Down the hall, I can hear my brothers goofing around and the slamming of draws as they search for clean clothes. Throwing on a NYU sweatshirt and a pair of fuzzy socks, I hurry into the kitchen for cocoa and an update for when I'm going to receive my mysterious present. As I idly stir my hot chocolate, I ponder what my parents could've gotten me. It's obviously too big to be in the house so it's not a laptop (I got a new one for college anyway), or some type of technology. Maybe an animal of some sort? Or a car? Neither of them seems plausible but they're possibilities. It's obvious I'm not going to be able to guess, so I give up and simply enjoy the excitement of Christmas which I thought I had long outgrown.

"Are you having fun sweetie?" my mother asks, wrapping her hands around her mug of coffee. She still looks flushed from the cold and her eyes are bright.

"Definitely. It's nice to be back from college, y'know? At college, I'm mostly around people my own age and Christmas is always fun."

"I remember being at college—so much fun," my mother muses, exchanging a smile with my father.

I hum in agreement and realize that it's almost noon. "Wow, it's getting late. I was planning on seeing Emma later, would you mind driving me?"

"Maybe," my mother says doubtfully and my father casts her a look.

I arch an eyebrow. Only a maybe?

"Hey! Can we go see Jess's present now?" Dylan asks, entering the kitchen.

"I think you might be more eager than Jess is," my father teases him.

Dylan pulls a face and helps himself to cocoa, jostling Ryan as he does. Do boys never calm down?

"Okay, let's go," my mother says. "You can bring your drinks with you."

There's a mad race to get our boots on and then we're all outside in the dazzling sunlight. I squint, trying to find where my present might be hidden. The barn? Garage? My father's workshop? I can't tell so I wait while my father confers quietly with my mother by the front door.

Finally, when I'm feeling as if I might explode from anticipation, my father comes over to where I'm standing. "Let's go to that old garage, the one we never use," he points to the old, but solid, building across the pasture.

"Are you kidding me?" I say, eyeing the deep, untouched snow that lies between us and the garage. "We're never going to make it."

"Don't be silly," my mother says. '"It's a short walk, it won't be that bad."

And she's right. Even though the snow is deep, it's fairly light and Ryan and Dylan go first, forging a path for the rest of us. As I reach the garage, my father stands in front of the door, which has glass panes in it, effectively blocking my view.

"All right, Jess. Here's your present. Merry Christmas." He pushes open the door and lets me in.

It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust; it's much darker in here than outside but I soon see a large, dark outline. My breath catches; it's a car. I whirl around to face my parents who have the biggest, goofiest smiles on their faces.

"Oh my gosh," I say. "A car! You guys actually got me a car!"

My mother steps forward and wraps me in a hug. "Yeah, we thought you could use one, especially since you're in college."

"I can't believe…" I trail off, overcome with emotion.

"You've done so well in college and now you'll be able to drive yourself back and forth from college," my father adds.

"So that's what this is all about," I give a watery laugh. "Now you guys don't have to drive back and forth from New York City."

"Part of it," my mother jokes. "We also got you a parking spot in a garage near your dorm so you don't have to street park it."

"Thank you," is all I can think to say.

My brothers come to stand near us. "It's not fair Jess got such a big present," they chorus.

I roll my eyes but before I can say anything, my father cuts in, "Relax, when you two are actually old enough to drive you'll get cars."

I slide into the driver's seat, marveling that the car is in fact, all mine. It's a secondhand Subaru, but I'm perfectly fine with that; having a brand new car would leave me paranoid about getting a scratch on it. As I back out of the driveway, I spot my brothers staring enviously from their post by the kitchen window. I can't help but grin at their expressions and wave at them. They scowl back.

My first order of business is to find my favorite radio station, which is playing Christmas themed music. Whenever I take my family's car, the radio is always on some sports station which I hate. Unfortunately, the drive to Emma's is quick and within five minutes, I'm switching off the engine and walking up the pathway to her house.

I climb the steps to the porch and ring the doorbell. A muffled voice, most likely from the back of the house calls, "I'll be right there!" so I stand there, shifting my weight from one foot to the other as I wait to be let in.

The door swings open and there stands Mr. Hawthorne. He's wearing a festive sweater and is holding a spatula. His glasses reflect the light and he has flour on his forehead and looks a bit flustered but when he sees me, his face breaks into a grin.

"Jess! Emma mentioned you might be stopping by. How's college going for you?" He ushers me inside and I catch a whiff of a fragrant dessert coming from the kitchen. "I'm just making Crème Brule as a treat, as well as some sugar cookies as a treat. I'll bring some up to you when they're done."

"Thanks," I smile at him. Emma appears at the top of the stairs, clad in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

"Hey," she smiles, coming down the stairs.

"Hey back," I reply, giving her a warm hug. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," she says. Then she sighs, "It seems as if that's _all_ I'm saying today."

Mr. Hawthorne chuckles. "What a big problem, Emma," he says, ruffling her curly hair. When Emma only rolls her eyes in response, he chuckles again, "Well, I can see that my presence isn't appreciated so I'll go finish up the baking."

"Thanks, Mr. Hawthorne," I say politely as I follow Emma up the stairs.

"So," she says brightly over her shoulder. "What did you get for Christmas?"

"Well," I say mischievously. "I got some socks, books and riding gear."

"That's all?" she asks, her brow furrowed.

I smirk. "Not quite."

"What else?"

"A car," I tell her casually.

"What?!" she exclaims loudly. "That—that's not fair!"

"What's not fair?" asks Darcy curiously, sticking his head of his room which is at the top of the stairs. Then he sees me and his expression changes from curiosity to surprise, from surprise to embarrassment, and from embarrassment to regret. "Oh, hi Jess," he says awkwardly.

I flush and mutter something that sounds vaguely like, "Hi Darcy", while staring at a spot above his head.

Emma glances between the two of us and sighs loudly and starts to say something, only to think better of it. "Jess got a car for Christmas which is grossly unfair. I've been begging for a car for _ages_."

Darcy swallows nervously before asking, "What kind?"

I stare at his familiar face, the face that is in most of my childhood and teenage memories. I feel a flood of emotion only to remember the fact that we are broken up due to the fact he cheated on me. Hardening my heart, I answer quietly, "A Subaru."

"Oh, that's cool."

A silence falls, one that's weighted by the fact that a week ago if I'd told him I'd gotten a car, we would've been talking non-stop. Emma glances between us and gives another sigh before grabbing my wrist and hauling me down the hall to her bedroom. The familiar setting is comforting and I flop down on her bed, dropping the bag with her present in it on the floor next to me. She takes a seat at her desk and we sit in silence for a moment.

"So," Emma starts. "A car."

I laugh and roll over so I'm facing her. "Still hung up on the fact my parents got me car?"

"Isn't that obvious?"

"Yeah, but it's still funny."

She groans, resting her chin on her hands. "Well, maybe you can cheer me up by giving me a gift." She flashes me a hopeful smile.

I push myself up from the bed and hand her the bag. She takes it, checks the tag, and begins to dig through the tissue paper I stuffed in there. "Geez, Jess. How much paper did you put in here?"

"A lot."

Emma laughs, pushing her hair away from her face. "Ah-ha!"

She pulls out a small box along with a card. As she opens the card, she tosses me a package which lands on my back. "Oof. Watch it," I grouse, burying my head in her pillow.

"Sorry," she says absent-mindedly as she scans the card. "Awww, thanks Jess. You too!"

"Whatever, just open your gift," I say, my voice muffled.

Flipping the lid of the box, she pulls out a gleaming chain with a silhouette of a dog as the charm. I found it at a stall that was set up at Union Square and immediately thought of Emma and Pip, who died last year.

"It's gorgeous," Emma says before standing up and hugging me tightly.

"Glad you think so," I respond, picking up the parcel that she had thrown had me. "Hmmm…I wonder what's in here."

"Take a wild guess," Emma deadpans, the corners of her lips twitching.

I shake it. No sound. I smell it. No clue. So I take the practical route and open the package. Out falls a backpack I've been wanting for ages but been too cheap to splurge on. I'd only mentioned it to Emma once or twice and that was ages ago. I can't believe she remembered!

"I was racking my brain for things to get you when I remember you showed me a photo a while ago-" She's cut off by me hugging her tightly.

"It's awesome."

The rest of the afternoon is spent taking full advantage of the fact neither of us are in tears or hysterics about some type of drama. Emma and I spill our guts to each other, keeping nothing back. Well, almost. I tell her about seeing Jonas again but leave out the part about the connection I felt between us. I'm not sure why, but I remember Emma's reaction to Jonas and me back when we were sophomores and don't want her to think I'm moving on too quickly (I'm not! I'm still getting over Darcy, but I could see how someone could jump to conclusions).

Finally as the sun is beginning to set, I regretfully tell Emma that I should be going. We stand, stretching as I gather my things and start towards the stairs. But as we pass Darcy's room, the door swings open.

"Jess," Darcy says, his voice rough. "Could I talk to you for a second?"

I glance at Emma but her face is expressionless. Well, that's no help. I think through the pros and cons of talking with him and carefully weigh them. I eventually come to the conclusion that I may as well humor him, after all his sister is my best friend and I don't want to put her in awkward position every time I come over to her house.

"For a minute. I should be getting home." I make my voice as emotionless as possible. I really don't want to cry in front of him.

He opens his door wider and motions me through. I step into his room and glance at Emma who is now smiling encouragingly at me. _Great, she wants us to get back together_, I think grimly. Darcy follows me back into his room, shuts the door, and goes over to his dresser where he plucks something from the top draw.

Darcy turns to me and clears his throat. "I just want to tell you I'm really sorry about…everything. I hope that you can eventually forgive me." He throws me a crooked smile and I feel my heart flutter slightly. "And, I have a present for you." He sees my expression and backtracks quickly. "I got it when we were still together and thought maybe you'd still like it."

He holds out a neatly wrapped package with a card taped to the top. When all I do is stare at it, he steps slightly closer. "Look, I can see why you wouldn't want to take it but please. For all the memories we have."

I look at it for another moment before extending my hand to take it. When I glance at him, he looks relieved, as if he expected me reject it. "Thanks, Darcy," I say.

"Merry Christmas," he says gently.

Opening the door, I step into the hallway where Emma is waiting. When I shut the door she hurries forward, "What did he say?" I show her the package wordlessly. She takes it and inspects it critically. "Are you going to open it?"

"Maybe, I'm not really sure." I take back the present.

She starts down the stairs and I trail after her, running my hand over the raised lettering on the wrapping paper. We stand in silence in the hall as I pull on my jacket and wind my scarf around my neck.

I pull open the door and step onto the porch. Emma puts a hand on my shoulder. "Open the package, okay? He really means it when he says he's sorry."

She shuts the door, leaving me in the cold and wondering whose side she's really on.

**Author's Note: I know, another long wait but I hope it's worth it; this chapter is over 3,000 words long! Thank you so much for all your reviews, follows, and alerts. They really motivate me to write (even though it might not always seem like it). SarcasticallyMe asked if this was a Jarcy story or a Jess/Jonas story and to tell the truth I don't know. I'm just seeing where this story takes me although I'm leaning towards Jess/Jonas. If you have a really strong opinion, feel free to leave a review and I'll take any suggestions into consideration. **


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